NCS New Canaan

Founding Chapter

My Journey To Freedom and Flourishing (Michael Tremain – 4/9/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In some sense, Michael Tremain is New Canaan Society “royalty”–he and Dave Robinson were the very first NCS “chapter” leaders. Back in 2003 they started the first NCS group outside Jim Lane’s home in New Canaan, CT (the original group from Jim’s home became our NCS New Canaan chapter)– they called it “The Parks Society, a chapter of the New Canaan Society”. The first Parks Society meetings were held in Michael’s home, and he was known for standing at the door and welcoming every man with a hug. The Parks Society eventually became NCS Orlando. He also discusses how he and Robinson heard about NCS, his first impressions experiencing NCS in Jim’s home, and how they started The Parks Society.

Given his NCS lineage, it is no surprise that Tremain shares with tremendous vulnerability and transparency the incredible journey of faith that God has had him on. Michael explains that the topic of his talk comes from the family mission statement that hangs on their wall at home: “To live free and flourish as children of God.” Michael’s story is the story of how he travelled from living in a broken home with no stability and no faith to establishing a stable home for his wife and four children with an inspired and inspiring mission.

Michael shares that his “faith journey” really started with a “happiness journey” while he was a Disney Imagineer, leading him to ask everyone he met “What is the meaning of life?”. He reflects that the responses he received were disappointing (at best) until the answer from a young woman that literally changed his life and his heart. Tremain describes how that answer led to an incredible series of faith experiences, including a 13-week study in London with John Stott and spending several months being discipled by Henry Blackaby.

Michael unpacks four internal obstacles that he had to face and overcome on his journey:

  • Unbelief (including a fascinating Blackaby story)
  • Identity (including how to get a ticket to the owners box at the Super Bowl)
  • Sin (including six months meditating on the meaning of “abide”)
  • Unforgiveness (including a call to radical forgiveness).

These are obstacles we all can overcome–if we are willing to face them!

Loving the Man To Your Left and Right (Charles Paksi – 2/19/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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Charles Paksi has served in the U.S. military for 29 years, and he shares, with amazing transparency and humility, the story of his life and the men who God used to mould him into the courageous man of faith, grateful son, devoted husband, loving father and faithful friend he is today.

Although Charles does not like talking about himself, his stories also reveal how God has used him to shape other men. From those on his “left” who influenced him, to those on his “right” who he is influencing, we see how God uses the power of relationship to raise up, train and protect his children.

Paksi looks back and recognizes how God blessed him and prepared him for his future as a warrior, a leader, a husband, a father and a friend through the people he encountered and the lessons they taught him. From a father who instilled in him a deep appreciation for faith, freedom and the privilege of being an American, to the uncle who inspired him at age 7 to become a Marine, to the bully who showed him the difference between offense and defense, to the man who exhibited the power of a man on foot, to the coach and small town that helped him understand the importance of culture, to the teammate who instilled the need to be prepared at all times, to the seasoned Marines who taught him through their actions the importance of love for the man on your left and right. He knows there were no coincidences.

Charles vulnerably explains the humbling experience of bootcamp and learning that you must rely on the Marine to your left and your right. He also reflects on the first time, at the tender age of 19, he witnessed a fellow Marine get killed and then observed the courageous response of his leader. And he shares the life-changing “born again” experience when he believed he was likely to die.

Through an extensive Q&A session following his talk, Charles gives a glimpse into why his life may hold many titles and many jobs, but he is, and always will be, a United States Marine.

The Incomparable Value of Joy (Dr. Jorge Valdes – 12/4/20 – NCS New Canaan)

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With great transparency, Dr. Jorge Valdes shares the incredible journey that took him: (1) from being the son of a wealthy family in Cuba, (2) to experiencing poverty in the United States and concluding God was not real, (3) to pursuing an education to become a lawyer, (4) to shifting his career path and becoming the #1 cocaine trafficker in the United States, (5) to being tortured for 29 days by General Noriega’s soldiers in Panama, (6) to surrendering his life to Jesus because of a karate instructor who concluded Valdes was the devil incarnate, (7) because of his new-found faith, to choosing to admit his past crimes, which led to being sentenced to seven life sentences and losing all his wealth, (8) to having his mind transformed in prison through reading the Bible, (9) to seeing in prison the tragic division among “Christians” and coming to understand the importance of behavior over words in sharing our faith, (10) to being released and telling his story in the book “Coming Clean”, (11) to regaining wealth through a legitimate business and then walking away from it to invest into the hearts of his children. In telling his story, Valdes stresses that the life of drugs, money and sex is not “his story”–it is just part of his story.

One of the most poignant chapters in Jorge’s remarkable story is the impact of the karate instructor who knew Jesus. Valdes explains that over the course of three years with the instructor, he came to desire to know more about Jesus. Jorge described that it was not because of anything the instructor said–it was because of something he exhibited that Valdes didn’t have with all his money, mansions, planes, bodyguards and women–a joy he thought couldn’t be real.

With tremendous passion, Valdes urges listeners to be authenticate in their Christian walk by investing in people through loving them, regardless of their backgrounds, political views, beliefs. He shares his belief that the world needs more safe places, like NCS, where people can be transparent about their struggles and failings without fear of judgment–places where they can “come clean”, be liberated through the saving grace of Jesus and go on to make a difference in the world by sharing His love.

It is clear that the current chapter of Jorge’s story is one of trying authentically to live his life as a follower of Jesus–sharing God’s story in his life and being a witness through his actions more than his words by loving people, investing in their lives and living without fear in the knowledge that Jesus has already won.

While the allure of joy may be one of the most impactful aspects of Jorge’s talk, one of his comments may be the most thought-provoking–that perhaps Christians should spend less time worrying about “putting Christ back in Christmas” and more time worrying about “putting Christ back in Christians”.

Becoming Free To Heal the World (J. Kevin Butcher – 10/16/20 – NCS New England Chapters)

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[The weekend of Oct 16-18, 2020 was meant to be the 2020 NCS New England Retreat, and J. Kevin Butcher was scheduled to be our Spiritual Guide. Our theme was to be Embrace an “F-Word”: Freedom. The COVID pandemic changed all that, but Kevin graciously and generously agreed to speak to a joint meeting of the NCS New England Chapters on what would have been the first day of the 2020 Retreat (the Retreat is rescheduled for November 5-7, 2021 with Kevin).]

Kevin Butcher is like us because he is an NCS brother (a member of NCS Grosse Pointe). He is like us because he is a man. He is like us because he has struggled with the difference between “knowing Jesus” and “knowing ABOUT Jesus” (and we all know that the lyrics of the NCS theme song “Knowing You” by Graham Kendrick says it is about “knowing Jesus”). He is like us because he spent years filling the emptiness in his heart with all the wrong stuff (none of which works). Kevin shares with tremendous NCS vulnerability his “performance” life and where it led him.

But Kevin Butcher is unlike many of us because he finally “got it”. As he says, our lives begin when we realize God loves us. Butcher explains that we can’t live out the commandment in John 13:34 to love others as Jesus loves us if we have not realized Jesus’s love–not “knowing” in our head He loves us but “experiencing” His love. Kevin emphasizes through stories from his own experience how much the world is broken and hurting, how much people are looking for the healing love of Jesus, even if they don’t know it, and how healing the love of Jesus can be when poured out by us.

Butcher runs through a thought-provoking and heart-wrenching list of the types of things men use to fill the emptiness. He shares that these are “signs” and not things to “fix”–they are “signs” that we are still living in bondage, which means we may be “functional” but we are not “free”.

As we begin to get lost in the pain of seeing ourselves on (or all over) that list, Kevin then provides a path to freedom–the freedom necessary to heal a broken and hurting world by truly loving others as Jesus loves us. That path is focused on three key relationships:

  • Our relationship with ourself (hint: we have to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves)
  • Our relationship with God (hint: we have to see God is an Abba father who loves us)
  • Our relationship with others (hint: we need to move toward one another in the body of Christ to bring and receive healing through love).

Kevin Butcher is coming out with a new book to be released April 6, 2021 called “Free”. Click HERE to visit Kevin’s page at Tyndale House Publishers.

There is another song by Graham Kendrick (who wrote the NCS theme “Knowing You”) that perfectly captures John 13:34–it is called “Love Each Other”. Together, these two songs are a wonderful accompaniment to Kevin’s message. Here are the official lyric videos.

Whose Side Are You On?: A “Third Way” To Reconciliation (Roland Warren – 6/26/20 – NCS New Canaan & NCS Bergen County)

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With tremendous honesty, passion and wisdom, Roland Warren presents a “third way” approach to racial reconciliation and healing. Warren shares vulnerably about his first experience of racism and the impact it has had on his life. He also explains how God began to reveal insights about the current cultural climate by pointing him back to lessons learned in his early days at Goldman Sachs.

Starting with Joshua 5:13-14 (see text below) and then looking at the model of Jesus, Warren urges us to put aside the “tribal” sides that divide us over issues and concepts like “systemic racism”, “white privilege” and “black lives matter vs. all lives matter” and consider what it would look like to be “on God’s side” in addressing issues of racism and racial division. Warren reminds us that we are in a spiritual battle, and that the “two sides” are really the divisive side of Satan and the reconciling side of God–that is the real choice we have to make.

Warren shows that God’s way, as modeled by Jesus, is to pursue reconciliation by changing individual hearts–that systemic racial problems will only heal when people’s hearts have been changed to embrace both justice and mercy–whites and blacks committed to fighting injustice and forgiving. Warren boldly asserts that reconciliation will never happen between a guilty person and an angry person, which is why many current narratives and efforts just bring greater division.

During his 22 minute talk and an extended 45 minutes of Q&A, Roland addresses topics such as:

  • Why messages of reconciliation are not being heard because the media needs “volatility” for news.
  • How systemic injustice toward blacks today can be compared to systemic injustice toward Jews at the time of Jesus, and how Jesus addressed the systemic by changing individual hearts.
  • The lessons we can learn from how Jesus perceived and treated victims and victimizers.
  • Drawing on his experience as President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, the need to help build strong black families.
  • Drawing on his experience as current CEO of Care-Net, the tragic reasoning that he believes leads to a disproportionate number of black abortions.
  • That truly “caring” about black lives means caring comprehensively, from “womb to tomb”.
  • How whites and blacks can (and must) move toward reconciliation by getting past positions of anger and guilt.
  • The importance of personal responsibility and forgiveness in pursuing reconciliation.
  • Practical ways whites can come alongside blacks in the pursuit of reconciliation without supporting organizations they believe have a different agenda.
  • How “God’s side” of reconciliation can be expressed in secular terms as the universal desire for “peace”.

Warren’s message and perspective is one most people have probably not heard, but it is one that needs to be heard.

Here is a link to the 2016 article Warren mentions in his talk. https://newcanaansociety.org/new-canaan/wp-content/uploads/sites/21/2020/06/washingtontimes.com-Black-Lives-Matters-real-agenda.pdf

Joshua 5:13-14 13 When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?” 14 And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the Lord. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped[a] and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?”

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