NCS New Canaan

Founding Chapter

My Journey To Freedom and Flourishing (Michael Tremain – 4/9/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In some sense, Michael Tremain is New Canaan Society “royalty”–he and Dave Robinson were the very first NCS “chapter” leaders. Back in 2003 they started the first NCS group outside Jim Lane’s home in New Canaan, CT (the original group from Jim’s home became our NCS New Canaan chapter)– they called it “The Parks Society, a chapter of the New Canaan Society”. The first Parks Society meetings were held in Michael’s home, and he was known for standing at the door and welcoming every man with a hug. The Parks Society eventually became NCS Orlando. He also discusses how he and Robinson heard about NCS, his first impressions experiencing NCS in Jim’s home, and how they started The Parks Society.

Given his NCS lineage, it is no surprise that Tremain shares with tremendous vulnerability and transparency the incredible journey of faith that God has had him on. Michael explains that the topic of his talk comes from the family mission statement that hangs on their wall at home: “To live free and flourish as children of God.” Michael’s story is the story of how he travelled from living in a broken home with no stability and no faith to establishing a stable home for his wife and four children with an inspired and inspiring mission.

Michael shares that his “faith journey” really started with a “happiness journey” while he was a Disney Imagineer, leading him to ask everyone he met “What is the meaning of life?”. He reflects that the responses he received were disappointing (at best) until the answer from a young woman that literally changed his life and his heart. Tremain describes how that answer led to an incredible series of faith experiences, including a 13-week study in London with John Stott and spending several months being discipled by Henry Blackaby.

Michael unpacks four internal obstacles that he had to face and overcome on his journey:

  • Unbelief (including a fascinating Blackaby story)
  • Identity (including how to get a ticket to the owners box at the Super Bowl)
  • Sin (including six months meditating on the meaning of “abide”)
  • Unforgiveness (including a call to radical forgiveness).

These are obstacles we all can overcome–if we are willing to face them!

Deal With It! (Brian Lahoue – 3/12/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In his talk, Brian Lahoue shares key insights from his book “Deal With It!: How to Stop Running from People, Problems, and Pressure”. In an extended Q&A, he opens up with tremendous vulnerability about the personal struggles and challenges that led to a dramatic encounter with God and, ultimately, writing a book to help others confront and “deal with” the past experiences that may be sabotaging their relationships and lives.

Lahoue describes the link between psychological concepts such as “attribution error” and Biblical principles and demonstrates why “confrontation” can be a tool for expressing love toward those in our life. In fact, he goes so far as to assert that confrontation is a “moral imperative” for followers of Jesus.

Brian explains concepts such as:

  • Our problems often come not from the reality of our past but from our perception of that reality. Through confrontation, we can understand a different way to view past events–which can change how we are impacted by them–which, in turn, can heal the problematic ways in which we engage life, perceive reality and relate to other people.
  • Even when we do not have the power to change our reality, we have the power to change how we react to our reality.
  • What it means to be a “peacemaker”.
  • How the Biblical commands to pray for our enemies and avoid judgment can free our heart to treat people with greater love.
  • Our greatest agency is to choose who we serve–Jesus or the worldly system over which Satan is the prince–which requires understanding the spiritual dimension of the negative messages that bombard us constantly in an effort to trigger destructive attitudes that can lead to destructive behaviors.
  • The gift of the Holy Spirit, who can help us recognize Satan’s words and choose the way of Jesus.
  • Why we can try to outrun people but we can’t outrun our problems (and why those who “run away” through divorce are at risk of divorcing again).
  • The power of compassion, humility (recognizing our own weakness) and gratitude (knowing we have been forgiven) to heal relationships and help us “renew our minds”.

Brian also offers practical suggestions on how to remain grounded in healthy perceptions of our reality and relationships, consistent with following Jesus.

You can purchase a copy of Brian’s book at this link.

Loving the Man To Your Left and Right (Charles Paksi – 2/19/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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Charles Paksi has served in the U.S. military for 29 years, and he shares, with amazing transparency and humility, the story of his life and the men who God used to mould him into the courageous man of faith, grateful son, devoted husband, loving father and faithful friend he is today.

Although Charles does not like talking about himself, his stories also reveal how God has used him to shape other men. From those on his “left” who influenced him, to those on his “right” who he is influencing, we see how God uses the power of relationship to raise up, train and protect his children.

Paksi looks back and recognizes how God blessed him and prepared him for his future as a warrior, a leader, a husband, a father and a friend through the people he encountered and the lessons they taught him. From a father who instilled in him a deep appreciation for faith, freedom and the privilege of being an American, to the uncle who inspired him at age 7 to become a Marine, to the bully who showed him the difference between offense and defense, to the man who exhibited the power of a man on foot, to the coach and small town that helped him understand the importance of culture, to the teammate who instilled the need to be prepared at all times, to the seasoned Marines who taught him through their actions the importance of love for the man on your left and right. He knows there were no coincidences.

Charles vulnerably explains the humbling experience of bootcamp and learning that you must rely on the Marine to your left and your right. He also reflects on the first time, at the tender age of 19, he witnessed a fellow Marine get killed and then observed the courageous response of his leader. And he shares the life-changing “born again” experience when he believed he was likely to die.

Through an extensive Q&A session following his talk, Charles gives a glimpse into why his life may hold many titles and many jobs, but he is, and always will be, a United States Marine.

Forgiveness (Richard Warren – 11/13/20 – NCS New Canaan)

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Richard Warren (the “other Rick Warren”) shares with incredible transparency and vulnerability the journey that led him from being a successful businessman who largely ignored God and was unfaithful to his wife to becoming a devout follower of Jesus and re-marrying his wife after they had been divorced for four years.

Not only is Rick’s story one of amazing forgiveness by his wife, but it is also a story of extraordinary obedience on his part. In response to God’s nudges, he very reluctantly returned to his ex-wife to ask her forgiveness (and to ask her to re-marry him) and very reluctantly sought out an old business acquaintance to offer forgiveness. His acts of obedience and those offers of forgiveness opened the doors to miracles.

Through obedience and forgiveness (with a good dose of humility), Rick’s story of brokenness became a story of miraculous hope and healing.

The “other” Rick Warren has written a number of devotionals on the topic of forgiveness. Here are a few links for those interested in exploring this topic further.

Five Things Forgiveness Is Not

Requirements of Restored Relationship

You Don’t Have To Forget

At the 2017 NCS National Retreat, Bruce Wilkinson gave a powerful talk on the topic of forgiveness. Here it is.

Becoming Free To Heal the World (J. Kevin Butcher – 10/16/20 – NCS New England Chapters)

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[The weekend of Oct 16-18, 2020 was meant to be the 2020 NCS New England Retreat, and J. Kevin Butcher was scheduled to be our Spiritual Guide. Our theme was to be Embrace an “F-Word”: Freedom. The COVID pandemic changed all that, but Kevin graciously and generously agreed to speak to a joint meeting of the NCS New England Chapters on what would have been the first day of the 2020 Retreat (the Retreat is rescheduled for November 5-7, 2021 with Kevin).]

Kevin Butcher is like us because he is an NCS brother (a member of NCS Grosse Pointe). He is like us because he is a man. He is like us because he has struggled with the difference between “knowing Jesus” and “knowing ABOUT Jesus” (and we all know that the lyrics of the NCS theme song “Knowing You” by Graham Kendrick says it is about “knowing Jesus”). He is like us because he spent years filling the emptiness in his heart with all the wrong stuff (none of which works). Kevin shares with tremendous NCS vulnerability his “performance” life and where it led him.

But Kevin Butcher is unlike many of us because he finally “got it”. As he says, our lives begin when we realize God loves us. Butcher explains that we can’t live out the commandment in John 13:34 to love others as Jesus loves us if we have not realized Jesus’s love–not “knowing” in our head He loves us but “experiencing” His love. Kevin emphasizes through stories from his own experience how much the world is broken and hurting, how much people are looking for the healing love of Jesus, even if they don’t know it, and how healing the love of Jesus can be when poured out by us.

Butcher runs through a thought-provoking and heart-wrenching list of the types of things men use to fill the emptiness. He shares that these are “signs” and not things to “fix”–they are “signs” that we are still living in bondage, which means we may be “functional” but we are not “free”.

As we begin to get lost in the pain of seeing ourselves on (or all over) that list, Kevin then provides a path to freedom–the freedom necessary to heal a broken and hurting world by truly loving others as Jesus loves us. That path is focused on three key relationships:

  • Our relationship with ourself (hint: we have to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves)
  • Our relationship with God (hint: we have to see God is an Abba father who loves us)
  • Our relationship with others (hint: we need to move toward one another in the body of Christ to bring and receive healing through love).

Kevin Butcher is coming out with a new book to be released April 6, 2021 called “Free”. Click HERE to visit Kevin’s page at Tyndale House Publishers.

There is another song by Graham Kendrick (who wrote the NCS theme “Knowing You”) that perfectly captures John 13:34–it is called “Love Each Other”. Together, these two songs are a wonderful accompaniment to Kevin’s message. Here are the official lyric videos.

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