NCS New Canaan

Founding Chapter

Deal With It! (Brian Lahoue – 3/12/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In his talk, Brian Lahoue shares key insights from his book “Deal With It!: How to Stop Running from People, Problems, and Pressure”. In an extended Q&A, he opens up with tremendous vulnerability about the personal struggles and challenges that led to a dramatic encounter with God and, ultimately, writing a book to help others confront and “deal with” the past experiences that may be sabotaging their relationships and lives.

Lahoue describes the link between psychological concepts such as “attribution error” and Biblical principles and demonstrates why “confrontation” can be a tool for expressing love toward those in our life. In fact, he goes so far as to assert that confrontation is a “moral imperative” for followers of Jesus.

Brian explains concepts such as:

  • Our problems often come not from the reality of our past but from our perception of that reality. Through confrontation, we can understand a different way to view past events–which can change how we are impacted by them–which, in turn, can heal the problematic ways in which we engage life, perceive reality and relate to other people.
  • Even when we do not have the power to change our reality, we have the power to change how we react to our reality.
  • What it means to be a “peacemaker”.
  • How the Biblical commands to pray for our enemies and avoid judgment can free our heart to treat people with greater love.
  • Our greatest agency is to choose who we serve–Jesus or the worldly system over which Satan is the prince–which requires understanding the spiritual dimension of the negative messages that bombard us constantly in an effort to trigger destructive attitudes that can lead to destructive behaviors.
  • The gift of the Holy Spirit, who can help us recognize Satan’s words and choose the way of Jesus.
  • Why we can try to outrun people but we can’t outrun our problems (and why those who “run away” through divorce are at risk of divorcing again).
  • The power of compassion, humility (recognizing our own weakness) and gratitude (knowing we have been forgiven) to heal relationships and help us “renew our minds”.

Brian also offers practical suggestions on how to remain grounded in healthy perceptions of our reality and relationships, consistent with following Jesus.

You can purchase a copy of Brian’s book at this link.

The Painful Path to Possibility (Phil Zaldatte – 1/22/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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With incredible NCS vulnerability and authenticity, Phil Zaldatte shares his painful wilderness journey with advanced Lyme Disease and the amazing way God used it to bring freedom from past hurts and coping patterns in order to unlock new possibilities in his life.

Phil describes the devastating physical, mental and emotional impact of Lyme Disease. He vulnerably talks about wondering why God was not bringing healing, and about struggling with the guilt and shame of not being able to be present, or provide, for for his wife and son. He talks openly about suffering depression. Phil also explains how wilderness experiences include temptations to listen to voices that lead us away from God–temptations to return to the coping mechanisms and self-medicating practices that can hold us back from God’s possibilities.

Phil also shares the key Biblical passages and promises that he clung to in the pain and that have come to define and direct the next chapter of his life:

  • Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
  • Psalm 105:19 – God’s promise to Joseph purged his character until it was time for his dreams to come true.
  • Hebrews 12:1-3 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
  • Isaiah 58:6 – “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed[b] go free, and to break every yoke?”
  • Luke 4:18 – “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.

Phil reveals that it was during this painful journey that God showed him the “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers” message (see video below) he shared with NCS New Canaan in December 2020. He was also led to a new slogan for his ministry and coaching practice “Unlocking Xtreme Possibilities”. Phil also describes his realization that the plans put “on hold” by Lyme Disease (a television show and a new radio program) were dreaming “too small”. He explains the new focus on his ministry/coaching–raising up Josephs, Daniels and Esthers and helping people understand the “greatness” and possibilities God is calling them and helping them navigate the refining wilderness journey that unlocks those possibilities. Phil shares that he now knows Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 58 are meant to guide his work.

Before Phil’s talk, he played the following video “The Path To Greatness”.

Here is Phil’s teaching on “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers”:

Becoming Free To Heal the World (J. Kevin Butcher – 10/16/20 – NCS New England Chapters)

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[The weekend of Oct 16-18, 2020 was meant to be the 2020 NCS New England Retreat, and J. Kevin Butcher was scheduled to be our Spiritual Guide. Our theme was to be Embrace an “F-Word”: Freedom. The COVID pandemic changed all that, but Kevin graciously and generously agreed to speak to a joint meeting of the NCS New England Chapters on what would have been the first day of the 2020 Retreat (the Retreat is rescheduled for November 5-7, 2021 with Kevin).]

Kevin Butcher is like us because he is an NCS brother (a member of NCS Grosse Pointe). He is like us because he is a man. He is like us because he has struggled with the difference between “knowing Jesus” and “knowing ABOUT Jesus” (and we all know that the lyrics of the NCS theme song “Knowing You” by Graham Kendrick says it is about “knowing Jesus”). He is like us because he spent years filling the emptiness in his heart with all the wrong stuff (none of which works). Kevin shares with tremendous NCS vulnerability his “performance” life and where it led him.

But Kevin Butcher is unlike many of us because he finally “got it”. As he says, our lives begin when we realize God loves us. Butcher explains that we can’t live out the commandment in John 13:34 to love others as Jesus loves us if we have not realized Jesus’s love–not “knowing” in our head He loves us but “experiencing” His love. Kevin emphasizes through stories from his own experience how much the world is broken and hurting, how much people are looking for the healing love of Jesus, even if they don’t know it, and how healing the love of Jesus can be when poured out by us.

Butcher runs through a thought-provoking and heart-wrenching list of the types of things men use to fill the emptiness. He shares that these are “signs” and not things to “fix”–they are “signs” that we are still living in bondage, which means we may be “functional” but we are not “free”.

As we begin to get lost in the pain of seeing ourselves on (or all over) that list, Kevin then provides a path to freedom–the freedom necessary to heal a broken and hurting world by truly loving others as Jesus loves us. That path is focused on three key relationships:

  • Our relationship with ourself (hint: we have to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves)
  • Our relationship with God (hint: we have to see God is an Abba father who loves us)
  • Our relationship with others (hint: we need to move toward one another in the body of Christ to bring and receive healing through love).

Kevin Butcher is coming out with a new book to be released April 6, 2021 called “Free”. Click HERE to visit Kevin’s page at Tyndale House Publishers.

There is another song by Graham Kendrick (who wrote the NCS theme “Knowing You”) that perfectly captures John 13:34–it is called “Love Each Other”. Together, these two songs are a wonderful accompaniment to Kevin’s message. Here are the official lyric videos.

Shame on Me (and How To Get Free) (Hal Rosser – 7/10/20 – NCS CT Chapters)

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With great courage, humility and transparency, Harold (“Hal”) Rosser shares the amazing journey of his life, including the fears, struggles, failures and challenges, as well as the joys, victories, miracles and lessons learned.

Hal takes us along the road that brought a kid with a 1.86 GPA in college who drank heavily to being a senior credit officer at one of the most respected financial institutions in the world and then to being the co-founder of a successful private equity firm and finally to founding his own private equity firm. He vulnerably tells about his fears and how he was always trying to prove he was good enough. Hal also talks about how he came to know Jesus and the profound impact it has had on his life, both personally and professionally, including an immediate healing through prayer that has led to 25 years without alcohol.

Looking back on his life, Hal ends by sharing and explaining eight lessons learned along the way:

  • Keep asking “Am I actually fully committed to Jesus?”
  • Living for yourself leads to an empty life.
  • Being in a community with other followers of Jesus is essential and life-fulfilling.
  • Many people are hurting and living superficial lives because they lack purpose and hope.
  • We are all created uniquely and need each other.
  • We need to release the expectations we have for others (particularly our closest loved ones) and learn to delight in them as God created them to be.
  • Looking back at even our most difficult times, Jesus is with us every step of the way.
  • Shame is a barrier to loving others and feeling loved, but we can get free of Shame by experiencing the unconditional love of Jesus.

This is a story of healing for anyone who has ever felt the shame of failures or being “not enough” or who is struggling with an addiction. It is a story of hope for anyone who wonders if Jesus is real or if God really has a purpose for their life. But mostly, it is a story of God’s unceasing love for and delight in one of his children–a love and delight he feels for each of us–and the miraculous power of accepting the open invitation to meet Jesus.

Whose Side Are You On?: A “Third Way” To Reconciliation (Roland Warren – 6/26/20 – NCS New Canaan & NCS Bergen County)

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With tremendous honesty, passion and wisdom, Roland Warren presents a “third way” approach to racial reconciliation and healing. Warren shares vulnerably about his first experience of racism and the impact it has had on his life. He also explains how God began to reveal insights about the current cultural climate by pointing him back to lessons learned in his early days at Goldman Sachs.

Starting with Joshua 5:13-14 (see text below) and then looking at the model of Jesus, Warren urges us to put aside the “tribal” sides that divide us over issues and concepts like “systemic racism”, “white privilege” and “black lives matter vs. all lives matter” and consider what it would look like to be “on God’s side” in addressing issues of racism and racial division. Warren reminds us that we are in a spiritual battle, and that the “two sides” are really the divisive side of Satan and the reconciling side of God–that is the real choice we have to make.

Warren shows that God’s way, as modeled by Jesus, is to pursue reconciliation by changing individual hearts–that systemic racial problems will only heal when people’s hearts have been changed to embrace both justice and mercy–whites and blacks committed to fighting injustice and forgiving. Warren boldly asserts that reconciliation will never happen between a guilty person and an angry person, which is why many current narratives and efforts just bring greater division.

During his 22 minute talk and an extended 45 minutes of Q&A, Roland addresses topics such as:

  • Why messages of reconciliation are not being heard because the media needs “volatility” for news.
  • How systemic injustice toward blacks today can be compared to systemic injustice toward Jews at the time of Jesus, and how Jesus addressed the systemic by changing individual hearts.
  • The lessons we can learn from how Jesus perceived and treated victims and victimizers.
  • Drawing on his experience as President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, the need to help build strong black families.
  • Drawing on his experience as current CEO of Care-Net, the tragic reasoning that he believes leads to a disproportionate number of black abortions.
  • That truly “caring” about black lives means caring comprehensively, from “womb to tomb”.
  • How whites and blacks can (and must) move toward reconciliation by getting past positions of anger and guilt.
  • The importance of personal responsibility and forgiveness in pursuing reconciliation.
  • Practical ways whites can come alongside blacks in the pursuit of reconciliation without supporting organizations they believe have a different agenda.
  • How “God’s side” of reconciliation can be expressed in secular terms as the universal desire for “peace”.

Warren’s message and perspective is one most people have probably not heard, but it is one that needs to be heard.

Here is a link to the 2016 article Warren mentions in his talk. https://newcanaansociety.org/new-canaan/wp-content/uploads/sites/21/2020/06/washingtontimes.com-Black-Lives-Matters-real-agenda.pdf

Joshua 5:13-14 13 When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?” 14 And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the Lord. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped[a] and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?”

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