NCS New Canaan

Founding Chapter

Deal With It! (Brian Lahoue – 3/12/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In his talk, Brian Lahoue shares key insights from his book “Deal With It!: How to Stop Running from People, Problems, and Pressure”. In an extended Q&A, he opens up with tremendous vulnerability about the personal struggles and challenges that led to a dramatic encounter with God and, ultimately, writing a book to help others confront and “deal with” the past experiences that may be sabotaging their relationships and lives.

Lahoue describes the link between psychological concepts such as “attribution error” and Biblical principles and demonstrates why “confrontation” can be a tool for expressing love toward those in our life. In fact, he goes so far as to assert that confrontation is a “moral imperative” for followers of Jesus.

Brian explains concepts such as:

  • Our problems often come not from the reality of our past but from our perception of that reality. Through confrontation, we can understand a different way to view past events–which can change how we are impacted by them–which, in turn, can heal the problematic ways in which we engage life, perceive reality and relate to other people.
  • Even when we do not have the power to change our reality, we have the power to change how we react to our reality.
  • What it means to be a “peacemaker”.
  • How the Biblical commands to pray for our enemies and avoid judgment can free our heart to treat people with greater love.
  • Our greatest agency is to choose who we serve–Jesus or the worldly system over which Satan is the prince–which requires understanding the spiritual dimension of the negative messages that bombard us constantly in an effort to trigger destructive attitudes that can lead to destructive behaviors.
  • The gift of the Holy Spirit, who can help us recognize Satan’s words and choose the way of Jesus.
  • Why we can try to outrun people but we can’t outrun our problems (and why those who “run away” through divorce are at risk of divorcing again).
  • The power of compassion, humility (recognizing our own weakness) and gratitude (knowing we have been forgiven) to heal relationships and help us “renew our minds”.

Brian also offers practical suggestions on how to remain grounded in healthy perceptions of our reality and relationships, consistent with following Jesus.

You can purchase a copy of Brian’s book at this link.

The Painful Path to Possibility (Phil Zaldatte – 1/22/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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With incredible NCS vulnerability and authenticity, Phil Zaldatte shares his painful wilderness journey with advanced Lyme Disease and the amazing way God used it to bring freedom from past hurts and coping patterns in order to unlock new possibilities in his life.

Phil describes the devastating physical, mental and emotional impact of Lyme Disease. He vulnerably talks about wondering why God was not bringing healing, and about struggling with the guilt and shame of not being able to be present, or provide, for for his wife and son. He talks openly about suffering depression. Phil also explains how wilderness experiences include temptations to listen to voices that lead us away from God–temptations to return to the coping mechanisms and self-medicating practices that can hold us back from God’s possibilities.

Phil also shares the key Biblical passages and promises that he clung to in the pain and that have come to define and direct the next chapter of his life:

  • Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
  • Psalm 105:19 – God’s promise to Joseph purged his character until it was time for his dreams to come true.
  • Hebrews 12:1-3 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
  • Isaiah 58:6 – “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed[b] go free, and to break every yoke?”
  • Luke 4:18 – “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.

Phil reveals that it was during this painful journey that God showed him the “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers” message (see video below) he shared with NCS New Canaan in December 2020. He was also led to a new slogan for his ministry and coaching practice “Unlocking Xtreme Possibilities”. Phil also describes his realization that the plans put “on hold” by Lyme Disease (a television show and a new radio program) were dreaming “too small”. He explains the new focus on his ministry/coaching–raising up Josephs, Daniels and Esthers and helping people understand the “greatness” and possibilities God is calling them and helping them navigate the refining wilderness journey that unlocks those possibilities. Phil shares that he now knows Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 58 are meant to guide his work.

Before Phil’s talk, he played the following video “The Path To Greatness”.

Here is Phil’s teaching on “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers”:

Pursuing God in the Dark (Andrew Brunson – 1/8/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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With remarkable vulnerability, Andrew Brunson shares the extraordinary story of his wrongful imprisonment in a Turkish prison for two years and the faith journey that occurred in that dark place.

Brunson describes the loneliness, anxiety, doubts, desperation and despair that characterized his first year, pushing him to deteriorating health, inability to sleep, brushes with insanity and thoughts of suicide. It is the story of a missionary serving in Turkey for 23 years sharing the Gospel of Jesus and pursuing God’s presence who suddenly found himself being pushed toward Islam and unable to sense the presence of God.

Brunson explains that his first year was a process of being broken, and his second year was a process of rebuilding. He shares how he made the transition by deciding to keep pursuing God even in God’s apparent absence. Through daily surrender to God’s mysterious plan and through perseverance, Brunson began to understand the nature of his ordeal, the nature of God’s love, the preparation he was undergoing. Brunson describes how, through it, he discovered a profound new love for Jesus.

Brunson observed that the valley of faith testing is “full of skeletons”–every test of faith we encounter is enough to grow our faith or to knock us out of friendship with God, depending on how we respond. He was determined not to be another “skeleton”.

Brunson also explains why he believes that he was “on assignment” in that prison–being trained to encourage others. He relates his persecution to the changing climate in the United States toward Christianity. Brunson offers advice on how, as followers of Jesus, we can prepare themselves for increasing hostility, shaming, canceling and marginalization so that we are ready to stand firmly in faith against the threat–always turning to God in trust rather than turning away in fear

The talk is just over 30 minutes followed by an extensive Q&A.

Andrew Brunson and his wife Norine have started a new ministry called WaveStarters. More information can be found at https://www.wavestarters.org. Below is a video about their journey and WaveStarters.

Restoring Daughters of the King (Michael Distefano – 10/30/20 – NCS New Canaan)

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Michael Distefano shares how God broke his heart for victims of human trafficking and then took him from sitting outside massage parlors in Texas to starting the first anti-slavery after-care facility in Connecticut as the Regional Director of Amirah Inc.

Distefano explains the dark world of human trafficking in the United States and why Connecticut is one of the darkest spots, with human trafficking occurring in every county in the State (in fact, a book about human trafficking in America used Connecticut as its example: The Berlin Turnpike: A True Story of Human Trafficking in America). He also shares how Amirah extracts women from this gut-wrenching reality, provides care in a long-term residential safe home and restores them as “Daughters of the King”–giving hope to survivors of sexual exploitation.

While we may think of human trafficking as something that happens “over there” in some foreign country, Distefano shines a light on the truth, explaining that an estimated 500,000 women are currently victims of trafficking in the United States.

This recording includes extensive Q&A following Michael’s talk.

For more information about Amirah and how to get involved, visit www.amirahinc.org

Becoming Free To Heal the World (J. Kevin Butcher – 10/16/20 – NCS New England Chapters)

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[The weekend of Oct 16-18, 2020 was meant to be the 2020 NCS New England Retreat, and J. Kevin Butcher was scheduled to be our Spiritual Guide. Our theme was to be Embrace an “F-Word”: Freedom. The COVID pandemic changed all that, but Kevin graciously and generously agreed to speak to a joint meeting of the NCS New England Chapters on what would have been the first day of the 2020 Retreat (the Retreat is rescheduled for November 5-7, 2021 with Kevin).]

Kevin Butcher is like us because he is an NCS brother (a member of NCS Grosse Pointe). He is like us because he is a man. He is like us because he has struggled with the difference between “knowing Jesus” and “knowing ABOUT Jesus” (and we all know that the lyrics of the NCS theme song “Knowing You” by Graham Kendrick says it is about “knowing Jesus”). He is like us because he spent years filling the emptiness in his heart with all the wrong stuff (none of which works). Kevin shares with tremendous NCS vulnerability his “performance” life and where it led him.

But Kevin Butcher is unlike many of us because he finally “got it”. As he says, our lives begin when we realize God loves us. Butcher explains that we can’t live out the commandment in John 13:34 to love others as Jesus loves us if we have not realized Jesus’s love–not “knowing” in our head He loves us but “experiencing” His love. Kevin emphasizes through stories from his own experience how much the world is broken and hurting, how much people are looking for the healing love of Jesus, even if they don’t know it, and how healing the love of Jesus can be when poured out by us.

Butcher runs through a thought-provoking and heart-wrenching list of the types of things men use to fill the emptiness. He shares that these are “signs” and not things to “fix”–they are “signs” that we are still living in bondage, which means we may be “functional” but we are not “free”.

As we begin to get lost in the pain of seeing ourselves on (or all over) that list, Kevin then provides a path to freedom–the freedom necessary to heal a broken and hurting world by truly loving others as Jesus loves us. That path is focused on three key relationships:

  • Our relationship with ourself (hint: we have to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves)
  • Our relationship with God (hint: we have to see God is an Abba father who loves us)
  • Our relationship with others (hint: we need to move toward one another in the body of Christ to bring and receive healing through love).

Kevin Butcher is coming out with a new book to be released April 6, 2021 called “Free”. Click HERE to visit Kevin’s page at Tyndale House Publishers.

There is another song by Graham Kendrick (who wrote the NCS theme “Knowing You”) that perfectly captures John 13:34–it is called “Love Each Other”. Together, these two songs are a wonderful accompaniment to Kevin’s message. Here are the official lyric videos.

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