NCS New Canaan

Founding Chapter

My Journey To Freedom and Flourishing (Michael Tremain – 4/9/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In some sense, Michael Tremain is New Canaan Society “royalty”–he and Dave Robinson were the very first NCS “chapter” leaders. Back in 2003 they started the first NCS group outside Jim Lane’s home in New Canaan, CT (the original group from Jim’s home became our NCS New Canaan chapter)– they called it “The Parks Society, a chapter of the New Canaan Society”. The first Parks Society meetings were held in Michael’s home, and he was known for standing at the door and welcoming every man with a hug. The Parks Society eventually became NCS Orlando. He also discusses how he and Robinson heard about NCS, his first impressions experiencing NCS in Jim’s home, and how they started The Parks Society.

Given his NCS lineage, it is no surprise that Tremain shares with tremendous vulnerability and transparency the incredible journey of faith that God has had him on. Michael explains that the topic of his talk comes from the family mission statement that hangs on their wall at home: “To live free and flourish as children of God.” Michael’s story is the story of how he travelled from living in a broken home with no stability and no faith to establishing a stable home for his wife and four children with an inspired and inspiring mission.

Michael shares that his “faith journey” really started with a “happiness journey” while he was a Disney Imagineer, leading him to ask everyone he met “What is the meaning of life?”. He reflects that the responses he received were disappointing (at best) until the answer from a young woman that literally changed his life and his heart. Tremain describes how that answer led to an incredible series of faith experiences, including a 13-week study in London with John Stott and spending several months being discipled by Henry Blackaby.

Michael unpacks four internal obstacles that he had to face and overcome on his journey:

  • Unbelief (including a fascinating Blackaby story)
  • Identity (including how to get a ticket to the owners box at the Super Bowl)
  • Sin (including six months meditating on the meaning of “abide”)
  • Unforgiveness (including a call to radical forgiveness).

These are obstacles we all can overcome–if we are willing to face them!

Deal With It! (Brian Lahoue – 3/12/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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In his talk, Brian Lahoue shares key insights from his book “Deal With It!: How to Stop Running from People, Problems, and Pressure”. In an extended Q&A, he opens up with tremendous vulnerability about the personal struggles and challenges that led to a dramatic encounter with God and, ultimately, writing a book to help others confront and “deal with” the past experiences that may be sabotaging their relationships and lives.

Lahoue describes the link between psychological concepts such as “attribution error” and Biblical principles and demonstrates why “confrontation” can be a tool for expressing love toward those in our life. In fact, he goes so far as to assert that confrontation is a “moral imperative” for followers of Jesus.

Brian explains concepts such as:

  • Our problems often come not from the reality of our past but from our perception of that reality. Through confrontation, we can understand a different way to view past events–which can change how we are impacted by them–which, in turn, can heal the problematic ways in which we engage life, perceive reality and relate to other people.
  • Even when we do not have the power to change our reality, we have the power to change how we react to our reality.
  • What it means to be a “peacemaker”.
  • How the Biblical commands to pray for our enemies and avoid judgment can free our heart to treat people with greater love.
  • Our greatest agency is to choose who we serve–Jesus or the worldly system over which Satan is the prince–which requires understanding the spiritual dimension of the negative messages that bombard us constantly in an effort to trigger destructive attitudes that can lead to destructive behaviors.
  • The gift of the Holy Spirit, who can help us recognize Satan’s words and choose the way of Jesus.
  • Why we can try to outrun people but we can’t outrun our problems (and why those who “run away” through divorce are at risk of divorcing again).
  • The power of compassion, humility (recognizing our own weakness) and gratitude (knowing we have been forgiven) to heal relationships and help us “renew our minds”.

Brian also offers practical suggestions on how to remain grounded in healthy perceptions of our reality and relationships, consistent with following Jesus.

You can purchase a copy of Brian’s book at this link.

Loving the Man To Your Left and Right (Charles Paksi – 2/19/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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Charles Paksi has served in the U.S. military for 29 years, and he shares, with amazing transparency and humility, the story of his life and the men who God used to mould him into the courageous man of faith, grateful son, devoted husband, loving father and faithful friend he is today.

Although Charles does not like talking about himself, his stories also reveal how God has used him to shape other men. From those on his “left” who influenced him, to those on his “right” who he is influencing, we see how God uses the power of relationship to raise up, train and protect his children.

Paksi looks back and recognizes how God blessed him and prepared him for his future as a warrior, a leader, a husband, a father and a friend through the people he encountered and the lessons they taught him. From a father who instilled in him a deep appreciation for faith, freedom and the privilege of being an American, to the uncle who inspired him at age 7 to become a Marine, to the bully who showed him the difference between offense and defense, to the man who exhibited the power of a man on foot, to the coach and small town that helped him understand the importance of culture, to the teammate who instilled the need to be prepared at all times, to the seasoned Marines who taught him through their actions the importance of love for the man on your left and right. He knows there were no coincidences.

Charles vulnerably explains the humbling experience of bootcamp and learning that you must rely on the Marine to your left and your right. He also reflects on the first time, at the tender age of 19, he witnessed a fellow Marine get killed and then observed the courageous response of his leader. And he shares the life-changing “born again” experience when he believed he was likely to die.

Through an extensive Q&A session following his talk, Charles gives a glimpse into why his life may hold many titles and many jobs, but he is, and always will be, a United States Marine.

What I’ve Learned from What I’ve Lost (Ron Hutchcraft – 2/5/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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Ron Hutchcraft shares vulnerably and from his heart about the sudden loss of his dear wife Karen a few years ago when she went home to be with Jesus. He opens up about their life and partnership together and how devastating it was to be without her. Ron talks about how his loss led to him writing his newest book Hope When Your Heart Is Breaking: Finding God’s Presence in Your Pain.

Ron then explains in detail five important lessons God revealed to him during the grieving process, even showing some of the notes he made in his journal (with his book and his talk exemplifying how he is personally living out the first lesson):

  • If you are going to have pain, get the point.
  • Repair now what you will regret later.
  • Let your heart feel.
  • Rise above the rubble.
  • The breaking of a man is the making of a man.

Ron’s talk echoes something we have said at NCS New Canaan many times (thanks to Dan Tocchini)–“Our today is robbed by our expectation of a tomorrow.” Think about what you would do if you were told you had one month to live, particularly in the relationships in your life–then JUST DO IT!

For those interested in learning more about, and possibly supporting, Ron’s work, his website is https://hutchcraft.com

The Painful Path to Possibility (Phil Zaldatte – 1/22/21 – NCS New Canaan)

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With incredible NCS vulnerability and authenticity, Phil Zaldatte shares his painful wilderness journey with advanced Lyme Disease and the amazing way God used it to bring freedom from past hurts and coping patterns in order to unlock new possibilities in his life.

Phil describes the devastating physical, mental and emotional impact of Lyme Disease. He vulnerably talks about wondering why God was not bringing healing, and about struggling with the guilt and shame of not being able to be present, or provide, for for his wife and son. He talks openly about suffering depression. Phil also explains how wilderness experiences include temptations to listen to voices that lead us away from God–temptations to return to the coping mechanisms and self-medicating practices that can hold us back from God’s possibilities.

Phil also shares the key Biblical passages and promises that he clung to in the pain and that have come to define and direct the next chapter of his life:

  • Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
  • Psalm 105:19 – God’s promise to Joseph purged his character until it was time for his dreams to come true.
  • Hebrews 12:1-3 – Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
  • Isaiah 58:6 – “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed[b] go free, and to break every yoke?”
  • Luke 4:18 – “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.

Phil reveals that it was during this painful journey that God showed him the “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers” message (see video below) he shared with NCS New Canaan in December 2020. He was also led to a new slogan for his ministry and coaching practice “Unlocking Xtreme Possibilities”. Phil also describes his realization that the plans put “on hold” by Lyme Disease (a television show and a new radio program) were dreaming “too small”. He explains the new focus on his ministry/coaching–raising up Josephs, Daniels and Esthers and helping people understand the “greatness” and possibilities God is calling them and helping them navigate the refining wilderness journey that unlocks those possibilities. Phil shares that he now knows Luke 4:18 and Isaiah 58 are meant to guide his work.

Before Phil’s talk, he played the following video “The Path To Greatness”.

Here is Phil’s teaching on “Signs of God’s Rising Reformers”:

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